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THINK THE OPPOSITE

'Whatever decision you make is the only one you could make. Otherwise you would have made a different one. Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret?' Paul Arden

Libraries have always been one of my favourite places. The serene environment and the lure of enough reading material to last a lifetime, make me feel completely at home. I'm constantly surprised at the range of books that even a small suburban library like mine carries and I marvel at the fact that we have access to all of these wonderful titles at no charge.

This week's find at my local library was an unexpected little paperback called 'Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite'.

The author, Paul Arden is a British ex-advertising agency creative director. This book is clearly about a subject close to his heart. As the title suggests, Arden encourages the reader to think differently about everything we do - and to break the rules when it's necessary.

He invites you to think of every situation as the right one for you at that given point in time, every choice you make as the right one and he encourages you to break free of conformity and to think outside the square.

One of the unfortunate things that occurs as we move out of our late teens and early twenties is that we tend to narrow our thinking and limit our choices. If things don't go to plan, we're often less resilient than we were when we were young. We're less inclined to try new things; to challenge the way we think and to bend or break the rules.

The most inspiring older people I know are the ones who live their lives in an unconventional way. They continue to learn, they don't shy away from the latest art or music, they visit new places, try new foods and in general they keep themselves interesting by continuing to challenge their thinking.

Paul's book invites us to embrace our originality, to stifle the desire to play it safe and to keep our outlook youthful.

  • Don't take no for an answer. If you want something badly enough, find another way to get it.
  • Break the rules. Do something small to start with that takes you out of your comfort zone.
  • Be brave enough to have a different opinion to others and to give voice to your view. Don't hide behind the desire not to offend.
  • Be light hearted about the fact that other people's opinions will sometimes differ from your own.
  • Ask for what you want. Be bold.
  • And never allow yourself to believe you're too old to try something new.

 

 

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

I have always admired people who are willing to break the rules. I'm not talking about the ones who commit serious crime, but about those who are comfortable (or at least willing) to push the boundaries.

During most of my childhood I felt it was expected that I was a 'good girl'. As is often the case with first born children, I took on this role without questioning it. I worked hard at school and did as I was told at home. Until I was a teenager, I watched from the sidelines as others had the confidence to do things their own way.

Adolescence was actually a blessing for me - a healthy spirit of rebellion kicked in and I began to dabble with forging my own identity. I shunned many of the middle class values that were important to those around me, including the outward displays of success. I dressed in hippie clothes, drove an old and extremely unreliable car and chose boyfriends with long blonde hair and permanent sun tans, courtesy of their ambition-free lifestyles. Their soul purpose was to be wherever the next wave was.

It wasn't always the easiest path and there were times when I struggled with my deeply held need for the approval of others.

Over the years, my commitment to be a free spirit has waxed and waned. There have been times when I felt the need to conform and times when I felt comfortable to just be my true self. I've learnt to be more conscious when I find myself doing what others expect of me and at almost 43, finally understand how negatively it impacts my energy levels.

In most areas of my life, I've found my voice and even though I still struggle with 'wanting to be liked', I'm better at being true to my own values and beliefs than ever before.

We are happy for you to reproduce our articles as long as they remain intact and contain the author's details as follows:

'Kate James is a work life balance coach, writer and speaker. She works with people who want to enhance their quality of life by making the right career and life choices. You can find Kate at www.totalbalance.com.au.'
 

 

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